In a speech given by Gabourey Sidibe , The star of the movie Precious, while accepting an award,she said these words that I love very much. "If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty, and if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I was unbreakable".
Sidibe is known for being unlike any "Hollywood actress". According to critics and haters "she doesn't fit the ideal weight of what it takes supposedly to be a star and she doesn't have the looks and the complexion to go any far"
Now I know we can all see that , okay so she's not your typical Hollywood "Beauty star".
She's no Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Halle Berry, Beyonce,Gabrielle Union, Jennifer Lawerence and the list goes on and on.
And that's right, She can't be those people. Why?
Well for one , Her name is Gabourey Sidibe, therefore she is Gabourey Sidibe.
Why should she have to be someone she's not?
While saying her speech at the Gloria Awards and Gala , she also addressed a question in which she is always asked a lot " How do you stay so confidence?". This was her response.
"It's not easy. It's hard to get dressed up for award shows and red carpets when I know I will be made fun of because of my weight. There's always a big chance if I wear purple, I will be compared to Barney. If I wear white, a frozen turkey. And if I wear red, that picture of Kool-Aid that says, "Oh, yeah!"
This part left me a little emotional , but after reading her full speech which I encourage everyone to go read. (I'll put the link down below), I couldn't help but get teary eyed.
It saddened me that a beautiful girl obviously born thick and not skinny, had to endure so much bullying from peers in school and even after moving on from that she still had/has to deal with critics and heartless people continuously commenting on her weight and how " ugly" she was/is every time she stars in a movie or walk the the red carpet.
Their overall reasoning behind it is that she's too "fat", "unattractive". "Too dark" and etc.
I am honestly happy that even through it all she is able to still rise past it and enjoy herself. I wish more people were like that.
But my question is Okay so she decides to lose all the weight, and decides to lighten her skin like some celebrities in the spotlight have done(won't mention any names) and actually tries to wear skimpy outfits and form fitting attires to please the public, Will that stop people from talking? Why can't she simply just be beautiful just the way she is ?
No, because society also has a problem with skinny girls too. And the sad thing is that, it's not only Gabourey who is criticized in the public eye, it happens to lots of other girls,whether black, white, yellow, purple, thick, skinny, muscular and so forth.
Girls and Boys are often put down by their looks and body in the media and in real life all the time.
It's crazy how a person can't be fully comfortable in their skin and body because of the opinions of others and not worry about how others are going to think.
A friend of mine who is naturally skinny and petite , recently shared with me some of her insecurities , that lots of other girls suffer with.
I mean she has the supposedly ideal body that some people long for , but even she has her own flaws and insecurities.
She shared with me how she was almost tempted once to stuff her boobs in a dress because her boobs are small and she feels insecure about that part of her body alot often. She also shared with me how she feels vulnerable about wearing bikinis without covering up, because she has stretch marks.
It truly made me wonder.
Huh so even skinny girls have problem too ?It's not always just the thicker girls that might feel vulnerable about their appearance too? But I thought only "Fat people" had stretch marks, Hence why pregnant women get them? How can skinny girls have stretch marks?
Wow who would have thought. By the way if you couldn't sense my sarcasm right now then ...I am being sarcastic.
If being skinny and thin was the overall acceptance of beauty in whole , then even models and thin girls wouldn't be criticized either. And even thinner and skinny girls don't have it all made for them either.
If a girl is built big and heavyset, then she's too fat,unhealthy and unattractive. And if she is built thin, petite, tall then she is too skinny and unhealthy.
So what then is the true ideal beauty?
Nearing the end of her speech Gabourey said these words, which I love her for "Okay? It's my good time, and my good life, despite what you think of me. I live my life, because I dare. I dare to show up when everyone else might hide their faces and hide their bodies in shame."
This quote actually brings me to my main point of this article. Learn to Love Yourself. I wrote this article not only for you but for me too, so bear with me.
The phrase "Learn to Love yourself" is probably one of the most overheard, over used , cliche phrases ever.
But it's also one of the most important, mainly because it's very true.
As humans we all have flaws. It's inevitable , no one is perfect ,and I mean no one. Even Jesus Christ was not perfect,because he was made into man.
The only one who is perfect is God Almighty , whether you believe him or not. But as for us we are just man, humans, and imperfect.
And that's okay, the problem now is actually accepting that we can't be perfect.
See we live in a society where it's like a pressure to be beautiful, strong and sexy. And honestly there's nothing wrong with that.
But it becomes a problem when you lose yourself in the process, and your flaws become your enemy and you feel as if you're worthless, ugly, trash, and blah, blah.
The truth is , the only thing that can make a person truly 100% beautiful is self confidence, and self love and accepting yourself for who are.
Ladies, it's okay to have stretch marks, it's okay if you don't have a thigh gap, and maybe your belly rolls over when you sit down, that's completely normal. It happens for everyone , even those with flat stomachs.
And guys it's okay if you don't have tatoos laced all over your body, it's okay if you don't have those impeccable six packs that girls rave about, it's okay if you don't look like a hollister model and so forth.
Life goes on and trust me about 70% of the guys and girls living around this world do not have perfect attributes but most of them are in a relationship, married, and happy.
If love was all about outer beauty and preferences all the time then lots of people would still be single, Honestly.
After all Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder,and someone's Trash is always someone's Treasure.
Everybody's measurement of beauty is different.
That's why it's important having self joy and self confidence in yourself.
Self joy, is when you are happy and content within and that's something most of us lack because we are constantly looking for more and more. Ariana Grande once said, it pains her to see young girls compare themselves to celebrities and models who've spend hours and hours getting their makeup done by professionals and practically airbrushed and photo shopped head to toe.
Why must you hurt yourself and trouble to look like someone who is not even real. The mere fact is that maybe if you were a celebrity someone would be saying the same thing about you, Just because of how they see you look in movies, tv shows and photoshoots, which is hardly a real presentation of how most of them look like in real life.
"Oh my gosh, I want to be him/her so bad!" "I want to look like you!" "She/he is so Perfect!". Are often the comments I see under famous and well known people's pictures on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
Why is it so easy to recognize someone's else's "beauty", but always so hard to see our own?
They are human , just like you and I , aren't they?
Why must someone have to tell you that your beautiful, cute, handsome and pretty in order for you to believe it
Just Like the great ,author of The Love Mindset, Vironica Tugaleva said " Who will you love if not yourself? Other people? How can you love someone for anything but their raw, naked humanity? How can you say you love someone if it is not for their flaws and quirks, snorts and hurts, triggers and tears? Anything else is not love. It is idealization. And, as long as you do it to yourself, you will do it to everyone. You will not love anyone or anything until those eyes in the mirror soften up and embrace the beauty that is already within.”
We all have flaws,scars,imperfections and things that make us different. It's what makes us unique. We all just simply can't be the same, its impossible.
Once you accept your flaws,then no one can use them against.
According to WikiHow, these are some of the steps a person should take in order to Love Themselves. I thought I would share some of these tips and advice with you guys.
1. Stop Trying to be Perfect
2.Stop comparing yourself to others
Everyone on this earth is different. We all have unique gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, good height, a good physique or intelligence, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envious or jealous.
3. Be Yourself/ Be Who you are
In order to truly love yourself, you have to stop loving the person you wish you were and love the person you actually are instead. We can try and pretend to be someone that we're not, but in the end that only hurts us and the facade can't stay up forever. Just be the person that you are and learn to love yourself just like that.
Learning How to love yourself is not something that happens overnight, it takes time and it takes effort. Day by day , slowly but it's achievable.
4.Take things one day at a time
Loving takes time, whether the love is towards yourself or to others. Give yourself time, and don't feel down if you feel like what you're trying to do is not going the way you thought it will go. Think of things that bring you down and make that a lesson and make sure to reflect on those problems more rather than ignoring.
I hope you guys realize that I didn't use Gabourey Sidibe to pick on her , but to simply point out a beautiful person who has become a victim of body shaming in this society.
I actually admire her for still having the heart to do what she loves , because I know most people who would have given up right now and, god forbid ,probably would have taken extreme and drastic measures to change themselves.
As I said before,and will keep on saying,we have to accept all our flaws, it's really important you guys. You can't love someone else if you can't possibly love yourself. That's why most relationships and marriages fail. Because of insecurities and trying to be who you are not , and feeling like you are trapped in something that you don't want.
Stretch marks are beautiful, its a sign that you are human and imperfect just like the rest of us. There's nothing wrong with being thin ,as long as you are healthy and happy. Same with being heavy set, absolutely nothing wrong with having love handles, as long as you are happy and content. Who cares what anyone thinks, we all are struggling anyway.
To my friend, I say flaunt your stretch marks , so what you have an awesome body don't let one simple thing that lots of other people have stop you. It's a common thing, nothing unusual And no need to stuff your bra, Victoria's Secret have lots of push up bras , that can help you out in a simple dress. No shame in rocking that, after all they made it for a reason. Save yourself the embarrassment.
Embrace being who you are , that's all that matters! Live Life happy. If you are reading this you are beautiful and great just the way you are and don't let someone dim your light. DO remember that there is a difference between self confidence and being conceited. One of them can make you appear ugly.
I don't want to stretch this so much because it's something that I really care about. It truly hurts me when others bring people down and when people feel selfless and unworthy all the time.You are wonderfully and fearfully made , accept it.
Don't waste your time and life trying to fit in and make people like you for someone you are not, always remember that. Live for you!
I truly hope this post helps someone out there whether guy or girl and that you truly learn to Love yourself, just as I am <3.
Psalm 139:14 xoxoxo
Until Next Time guys ... Comments would be appreciated, leave me suggestions on what you want me to talk about and maybe even questions. I'd be happy to. :)
Down below is a list of some songs that I personally like that have a great message on embracing ourselves and imperfections, and with guys who love their girls for the small little things and their flaws that they might hate.Take time and listen to at least one or two of these songs or maybe even all. They are great xoxo
Bruno Mars - Just the way You are
One direction - Little things
Jonny Diaz- More beautiful You
Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
Labrinth - Beneath Your Beautiful
Christina Perri - Human
Jessie J- Who you are
Mali Music - Beautiful
P.s To all my Male readers and even Females if you want me to do a Guy's Version mainly on Learning to Love Yourself, Please let me know so I can because I would love to! Leave a comment or send me a private comment telling me so and I will. :)